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Showing posts from 2017

Why I've Been gone (Short)

I know I'm not as active as I was but I've just been in a slump trying to move on with my life. Nobody should have to go through depression epilepsy and abuse at the same time. I am proud to say that I am seeing someone and being medicated for it so please my lovleys bare with me and stick around I love all of you and will try my best to keep up. Amanda Rost Instagram : @EpilepticMom

My Lowest Point

Do you ever have just one of those days that your depression just takes over and ruins everything. Feeling unworthy or worthless even just down lonely that was me the last couple of days. I lost my anti depressant meds for a couple of days and I stared questioning my relationship with my best friends and multiple people. Now the one's I want to focus on is I was questioning my friendship with my 2 best friends now yes one is still mad at me but I started asking myself if I was just a convenience to them that convent friend who is available whenever or will make themselves available. Even though I found my pills I still deep down feel this I haven't talked to them about it yet but I can't bring myself to do it. It also brings me to the point of making a playlist on YouTube I wouldn't say that the songs are uplifting or angry but a mix of everything. To help as it's called Fight Back  I don't know if I named it that to fight through everything going on or

Religion and Change

Religion noun 1. a   set   of   beliefs   concerning   the   cause,   nature,   and   purpose   of  the universe ,   especially   when   considered   as   the   creation   of   a  superhuman agency   or   agencies,   usually   involving   devotional   and   ritual   observances, and   often   containing   a   moral   code   governing   the   conduct   of  human affairs . 2. a   specific   fundamental   set   of   beliefs   and   practices   generally  agreed upon   by   a   number   of   persons   or   sects: the   Christian   religion;   the   Buddhist   religion. 3. the   body   of   persons   adhering   to   a   particular   set   of   beliefs  and practices : a   world   council   of   religions. I  put the definition of the word here for religion like I've said in the past all forms of religion stem from the same source. Christianity is actually one of the newer forms in the Bible it says "the old ways" referring to what was before Christianity. I believe

Divorce and Friendship

So I know it's been pretty much a month since I've posted but there is a very good explanation and I almost don't know where to begin because I never saw my life ending up where it is right now. So I know for a fact that I left off with moving back in with my dad and my husband living with his friend while they fix the propane well.... that never happened. I ended up spending 2 weeks thinking things over the week while we moved and my first week back home. Yes I am getting a divorce I'm terrified but I feel different I take a look back and didn't really see it until I was away from him. I love him still but my relationship with my husband was an emotionally abusive one. I don't hate him for it I look at it as a learning tool. Not everyone is meant to be together and we just weren't and it's best for our son. Let me explain how it's best for our son and I will continue to say our son. I want him to know what truly happy people who love each-other

Frustrated (Short Post)

I don't know why but for some reason I've been having troubles keeping up with you guys. Today has already been a handful I just want to state I hate ignorant people they annoy me and just ugh. All I want to do is be apart of the current event part of American red cross half of my beloved state is on fire and I'm nervous that my husband will be sent to help soon. I guess I just am putting too much on my plate and don't know what to do about it I will try to stay more consistent even though my life has kind of come to a halt I love you people and I will let you know how everything turns out. Amanda Rost Instagram : @EpilepticMom

Last Couple Of Days

I know I've been gone for the last 2 days but in 2 days a lot has happened. Monday not a lot really went on compared to Sunday and Tuesday. Sunday I had a photo shoot with one of my friends who are trying to become a model. I know my way around a camera so I took over 300 pictures but I guess that's really not important. This is one of them that I took for an ad that I was hired online for and she is going to use this in her portfolio. Tuesday is where things get interesting I've been doing so good until yesterday. I had another grand mal seizure and honestly, I can't really remember what happened on Monday even though my seizure was on Tuesday. It sucks when the side effects kick in and I also got sick after everything yesterday I so lucky my husband was here and I wasn't alone. I honestly thought I was just coming out of an absence seizure. I didn't realize until my husband told me my mother got a bowl for me just in case I upchucked. Since I had that seiz

Montana VS Harvey

So today I kind of want to bring some light to something I get Hurricane Harvey has struck disaster but also I want people to know about Montana. I don't normally post on weekends unless I feel like I have to but the thing is I'm getting to the point that I feel Montana the place I've called home for 22 years is treated like trash. The big fire in Texas last year got main media attention but we have over 1,000 acres on fire right now I'm miles away from the fire and the smoke has gotten so bad that my hometown looked like it was foggy but you could also smell burning wood. I'm going to give you a couple articles to read These are just 2 out of multiple hometown articles I found Montana

North & South

So since I've moved back my life has been a little chaotic on where stuff is a small town and trying to get my stuff all together. Then there is a small town drama that gets to my husband to easily and I'm already over it but today I'm going to touch politics in a sort also the education system as well. My dad is home for the weekend and my dad loves shows that have to do with knowledge and my dad and I were talking about history I ended up telling him about my Past Present and Future post. He told me some things about the Civil War that I didn't know about I honestly didn't know that the Civil War wasn't just about slavery. My dad was taught in school that what started it was due to tariff and secession I was shocked why aren't we still being taught this. So we started watching a mini-series called North and South  we've been watching it for at least 2 days now and there was stuff that happened that I've never learned about I mean there's


The struggle is real when it comes to moving and having seizures. I don't normally complain but I'm going to do it tonight I really didn't have anything come up today besides, cleaning before my dad got home and getting my mattress switched out I had the worst night of sleep last night. So guess what that means I'm tired have a busy day ahead and one tomorrow as well but I wasn't as bad as you think I would have been. I only had 2 today which is a good thing I guess today just wasn't eventful and didn't give me any inspiration like most days my poor baby girl my boxer Laila split open her paw today when Morgan and I took our dogs for a run. I handed in my applications today but that's all that really happened tonight is my sons first night here and my dad is home for the weekend so I guess we'll see what happens.  This is what I looked like today that's a matcha smoothie so good Amanda Rost I

How to Job

So moving back to my home town means.......job hunting and not just me myself my best friend broke up with her boyfriend which I talked about it in my post Heartbreak (Go ahead and read it for some insight) but I dress up and look nice just to pick up an application for a job. So I thought I would give a little advice on how to present yourself when job hunting. Just remember this is my opinion and just a little advice it's not personal. I made my friend change shirts before she went into an interview I literally said to her and I quote "You are not wearing that" This is what I wore to work on time and I just had a good pair of jeans on  She just got off work at her family sandwich shop so she had a shirt that wasn't in the best of shape the appliqued letters were coming off (Morgan if you're reading this I love you and I'm sorry) So I went to my closet and picked out a nice shirt and handed it to her. Now there are 2 different ways to go to and 2 di

Family and Friends

This week has just started out to a rough start......I don't know where to start but what I think what I'm going to is touch the subject of real vs fake friends. What I'm going through right now feels complicated and I just want support but I don't know how to touch the subject with my friend. I'm not going to name names because a lot of my friends do read my blog. It's not just one friend though I have a couple that has been doing this to me, I know I'm having trouble with my marriage I'm not going to lie but I would never tell one of my friends and I quote. "I know you are headed towards divorce" I would never say this to them I don't know how to bring it up to them. Just because my marriage is on the rocks doesn't mean it's going to head that way. I love my friends but I don't know how I would bring this up to them. I love them and don't want to ruin our relationship. I know that my relationship with my husband is


A Succesful Marriage Requires Falling in Love Many Times, Always with the Same Person -Mignon McLaughin Today isn't over yet and I just feel like being done. Moving into my dad's house and all the cleaning I have to do is exhausting. (My dad is a smoker) I want to try and get the house to smell better he's smoked in the house since I was little. When my parents split  my mom got the house until they figured something out and she washed the walls and the house no longer smelled like smoke. She ended up letting him have the house due to reasons and there for awhile he got to be a heavy smoker. So where are moving in I'd like to have it that way again but I know it's not going to be completely smoke free because he'll be home on the weekends. (My dad works in construction) So during the week it'll be just me and my boy untill my hubby and his friend fix the propane. (Who knows when that'll happen) So I'll be here at my dad's house I guess

Parenting and Traveling

So Thursday I headed down to my home town (where I also am moving back to) The reason I headed down was that I had a cardiologist appointment on Friday, that I didn't need to have. The people at Sidney Health Center don't like to listen to their patents (yes I saw this doctor once before) I was cleared to be healthy my first time. That grand mal seizure I had in June was the only reason that they wanted me to go see her again and in my nature, I argued on not to see her. Well, I lost that argument and saw her yesterday so let me give you a rundown of how this went. Drive two hours the day before so I can go with my mom (my child is in the back seat) stay the night at my mom's house. Next day (Friday) we drive three hours to go to my doctor's appointment now this is my doctor's appointment.......I go into the room talk to the nurse list off my medications get my blood pressure and pulse checked like every nurse does before the doctor comes in. My doctor comes in th

Past Present and Future

I know everyone needs to rant every now and then I regret yesterday so much it's ridiculous. I thought of taking the post down but, if I do that I might forget that I did it and do it again. So it's going to stay up if you don't know what I'm talking about my Mother Inlaw post. I'm going to leave it up so I know my mistakes and so I know not to do it again. Saying that and you peoples know I don't like to talk politics but that's why I think we should leave our civil war statues alone. Yes, slavery is over but if we hide our past and future generations don't know about it there is a possibility of history repeating. Before people start calling me a white privileged women quick reminder before the Atlantic Slave Trade  there was the Barbary Slave Trade . Now if some of my facts are off I apologize but my point is our ancestors did bad things or suffered bad things. I'm not trying to make this topic seem happy I just want people to remember and al

Mother Inlaw

Rant and Trigger Warning  Everyone who is married has one a mother in-law some people get along great others are constantly at each other's  throats. I on the other hand get a long with mine......(but today) So yesterday I made a post that kind of went everywhere on me about moving, being stressed, excited over a job opportunity. So let me give you a little background on my mil she's a stay at home mom with 5 kids that's counting my husband's cousin she raised (my husband is the oldest and from her first marriage) no looking from the outside in you would think she has well behaved kids (which she does) who are very responsible (and they are) she has a clean house and a very beautiful house that took a year of renovation I don't b*tch about her often but when I do it's always the same thing it's about the state of my house MY house. Reminder I have a toddler who gets into EVERYTHING    for ex: cupboards, drawers, and anything else her can reach we tried c

Moving, Stressed, OMG

I'm sorry I've been away again I've just been so busy packing.......I know I have to do what I have to do for my child......I'm a mom I gotta do what's right for my kid. So we are moving in with my husband's friend.....I'm not amused. The only exciting part is there is an advertisement job opening I would love to get this job. Designing Ads would be a dream to me I love talking to you guys and knowing that I have a support system that most people don't get the chance to have you lovelies are amazing there might not be many of you. I have one photo that I would like to show you since I have my laptop working again I wanna share some of my work. This is a picture one of my friends took of me I ended up just adding a filter and an older camera glare stamp. I love this picture of me I do need to take some new photos of myself not just because this was a senior picture but also because I chopped off my hair. I guess this post was kinda pointless but I gue


Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ― Mark Twain I quoted Mark Twain last night to my best friend who just broke up with her boyfriend. A little back story (I blame myself for one) I set them up together she got out of a bad relationship and I set her up with this guy who was a family friend who I thought was a really nice guy, but he's one of those guys that shows their bad side once deep into the relationship. They left on good terms (I still would like to put him in the ground) which shows the level of maturity the reason I'm so upset is because he asked her to move in with him and then turns around and breaks her heart where she has to move back home where she has no job no house (Yeah mom and dad but still) he makes her feel that there is something wrong with her there isn't she's an amazing person. He's messed with her mind which upsets me big time I want to put him 6 foot under but she won't let me.

Epileptic Life

I wanted today's post to be about a historical person who had Epilepsy. As I searched there were so many people some names stood out others I had to read on. From science to acting the backgrounds varying sports, musicians, politics, writers, and more. Which made me realize picking one wouldn't be enough picking more than one wouldn't be enough either. No matter who I would have quoted another great man or woman would have been forgotten. Reading that some of these people tried to hide it with alcohol. It's tragic that at one point in time people felt the need to hide it instead of embracing it. (Saying that makes me sound like a hypocrite) I will admit it I tried hiding it from people, when I first started working I didn't want anyone to know when I started dating the second the guy found out he ran. I hide it as hard as I could my best friend didn't know for a while because I was afraid she'd treat me differently than others (which she does now but not i

No Dog?

Re-homing your dog is not an easy thing to do it's conflicting I'm here sitting thinking if I should do it or not. I'm the person who seeks out advice or someone to tell me what to do. I have that problem I grew up never getting the chance to make my choices for me. So as an adult I ask what should I do to as many people I can the one person I can always count on is my brother I ask him and he gives me the best way to help me make my own decision. Where I feel conflicted I asked him and he said "That's why you break it down and deal with one issue at a time. Don't let the others distract. Track your conflict backwards until you can come up with one answer. Then move on to the next and the next until you come across a decision" Now it may be that he took physiology classes in college and whatnot, but it's still good advice. I was also told to write it down. What's my decision going to be I don't know yet but hopefully, I can figure it