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Dark Places But Good Thoughts

It's been since April since I've made a post that's quit awhile but for good reason's I know my ex MIL reads some of my posts so I've been keeping it quit (MIL if you are reading this, this isn't personal....kinda)  I feel like I'm risking a lot just righting this post but I'm going to have to get over it for the sake of my son and myself.

I've always had issues when it comes to my thoughts since I was in the 7th grade I'm 23 now a mom if a wonderful little boy who means the world to me, friends who help me through my hard times. Which that friends count has gone down one or at least I feel it has and the most important one I've mentioned here a few times. I feel like I've lost her due to her marriage and about to have a baby I'm so happy and excited for her but, the amount of distance that's grown between us has gotten bigger and might even grow some more. This is my safe place talking to you (my readers) people I don't know but want to hear what I say and listen to my opinions makes me feel like I could spill it all.

Before I get into what my main thought was going into this post I thought I'd give you a little back ground most of you know I'm getting divorced but for my new readers and current I'm getting divorced, I come from a family of alcoholics, and I have Epilepsy. Not much to me for a little bit of back ground I don't normally let these things define who I am I'm learning that these are helping me become the person I'm suppose to be who that is yet I'm still not sure.

The fact of the matter that I have a glass of Baileys Strawberry cream sitting next to me terrifies me. I don't want to be like most of my family, my son doesn't need to see his mother like that. So here I am stating in front of I don't know how many people (my numbers have grown and I didn't check before I started writing this) I'm here telling you that I am not going to be an alcoholic. I don't have alcoholism and never will.

The next thing I'm gonna touch upon is suicide which I know I've talked about before lately dark thoughts have been clouding my head judgment and more. If you know anyone or yourself that deals with these thoughts please get help the Hotline Number is 1-800-273-8255 and here's the link to the website it's a tough place to be and it's even harder where I have friends moving away and I just feel like I'm losing people left and right but I'm not going to do it the thoughts come through my head but I know in my heart that I'm stronger than it I'm stronger than the darkness (I think I may of just quote Star Wars) I just want to state in front of everybody that I can and will do this like my tattoo says.
The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.     
Juliette Lewis

I am going to find what I'm suppose to do in life I thought I needed to change religions because it was so forced on me but I don't need to. I like the wiccan life but when it comes to hard times I still find myself asking God what to do so I've decided that I'm going to just enjoy life as a religion I will believe in as many Gods as I can I will believe in whatever I want experience life with a free mind. I don't want to be apart of something that wants me to only believe in one thing I want to believe what my heart wants. So I'm going to leave this post off with a good note a good quote by Bruce Lee (a little strange I know but then I wouldn't be true to myself)
If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

Bruce Lee

 Amanda Rost
Instagram : @EpilepticMom


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