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Conflict, Relationship, Parenting and A Surprise at the End

Somethings or some people can surprise you no matter what the subject. Love, happiness, depression even politics. Just remember just because someone has a different opinion than you doesn't mean they are wrong or right. They are viewing the world differently than you don't fight with them on whatever the subject may be try or not to give your opinion don't just say oh you're wrong, listen, compare and decide.

I don't like conflict that's why I view things as it's your life do what you want. If it's my business than I might put in my view. Conflict is just one of the items in my life I wish to get rid of because I also have anxiety. I freak out at the smallest mistake have panic attacks. I'm glad I have people in my life that calm me down. Today I really didn't come into wright an "agenda" I know I normally have some form of writing things down for a reason but today I don't.

I guess the only thing I can think of is after Easter on April 24th I'm headed to Washington D.C. for the Walk to End Epilepsy I'm so excited about it. Every day it gets closer and I guess I'm really excited to write about my experience that I'm going to have there. It's something I've been looking forward to for a year I mean look at my count down on my Instagram @epilepticmom it's exciting I've wanted to go for a long time. I want to meet other advocates and it just seems to be something for me to look forward to.

I'm no longer depressed I'm living happily with my son in our own house and I have an amazing boyfriend. Life is going great at the moment but knowing from my past I keep looking over my shoulder waiting for all these great things to just disappear. It's never racking but that's also where the anxiety comes in as well. I am where I want to be. Good job great boyfriend my monster of a son it couldn't get any better and I'm just terrified
 it's all going to go poof.

I know I'll never lose my son but the boyfriend and job thing I can't hold my breath on those. I want both for the rest of my life but I also know that my boyfriend who works for the pipeline is going to leave someday. It takes him all over and I need a stable living for my son I can't drag him all over the countryside and I won't. It gets even worse knowing that my son likes him and knowing that I have fallen hard for him also the fact that he loves me. I wish I could just keep things the way they are now. I hate conflict and don't want to bring anything about us not moving around the way he wants us to. My son has friends and when it comes to picking between men my son is number 1.

It's a crazy thought and another crazy thought is me going to Germany with him instead of Oklahoma with him. Germany is a once in a lifetime opportunity for him I'm not going to make him choose.

Now before I continue on my rant about what to do or I don't know what to do I still want to keep my blog posts inspirational plus I don't want to be that blogger. A side note as well I've started writing that self-help book I know I'm a hot mess but I don't have anything to lose trying to get one published or I will most likely self-publish. It's going to have details of not just my life but as well as how I got through them.

Amanda Rost

Instagram : @EpilepticMom
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