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Divorce and Friendship

So I know it's been pretty much a month since I've posted but there is a very good explanation and I almost don't know where to begin because I never saw my life ending up where it is right now.

So I know for a fact that I left off with moving back in with my dad and my husband living with his friend while they fix the propane well.... that never happened. I ended up spending 2 weeks thinking things over the week while we moved and my first week back home. Yes I am getting a divorce I'm terrified but I feel different I take a look back and didn't really see it until I was away from him. I love him still but my relationship with my husband was an emotionally abusive one. I don't hate him for it I look at it as a learning tool. Not everyone is meant to be together and we just weren't and it's best for our son.

Let me explain how it's best for our son and I will continue to say our son. I want him to know what truly happy people who love each-other are like. I don't want him to think that our relationship was/is healthy I want him to grow to be a good man and live a happy life.

Ever since I filed I feel happier and I haven't had as many seizures as I was. I guess I've also already went through the "rebound" stage and messed up my relationship with my best friend and for some reason I didn't do it once I did it twice and I understand if she never wants to talk to me ever again.

But I also am seeing myself evolve changing as a person cause the person who destroyed my relationship with Morgan I hate that person so much. I want to be someone else not that type of person but the sad part is I still can't tell the difference from lust and love. So I'm gonna live by just focusing on my boy my life and hopefully fixing my friendships.

 Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. 

Carol Burnett
I'm gonna change my life for the better my best friend may not be talking to me right now. But I know deep down she still loves me and no matter what even if she's still mad at me and something happens I will be there for her. That's the type of person I use to be way back when but for 5 years of my life I got wrapped up in a unhealthy relationship. It changed me and it's changing me again but for the better.

Morgan and I 
I'm human we all are human so that means none of us are perfect I'm gonna make mistakes I'm not completely done growing up I mean I'm only 22 I don't exactly have life figured out I'm getting a divorce, living with my dad but yet worst of all I have my best friend mad at me.

And Morgan if you do end up reading this I want to say there is nothing I can say that will make you forgive me but I am going to change.
Shelby and I

Trying to stay on track here I had different intentions when it came to this post but it just comes to show that my friends are all I can thing about. These 2 chicks are more important to me and I look at these pictures and go back to the moment I screwed things up.

I've been a horrible friend and I have nothing to say because whatever I say won't fix what I did. I love them and I need to pull my weight in our relationships.

These are the God Mothers to my son and I should be more grateful for them then I actually act. Just in 1 month we've been through so much together.
Gabriel and I 
 I'm letting down the most important person of all down though. My son I love you Gabriel you are the most important man in my life.

Mama is going to make you proud she's going to change for you and your aunties. And I'm not just saying I'm gonna change I will prove to you that I will change. My actions words and more I'm gonna fight back.

So my New New Beginning Starts now.......

Amanda Rost

Instagram : @EpilepticMom
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