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Accept it

HELP

Something that all of us need just in different ways. Some may need help with physical things others it might just be mental, it could even be someone moving something for you. I'm not just talking health this time I'm talking all around type of help. I'm going to ask a question and I would like it answered comment or email. 

Why do we not ask for help when we need it?

My answer to that is pride. I say pride because I've been on my own for almost 2 years with my son and I've built a steady life with just the 2 of us. I have to tell myself almost constantly it's okay to have help every now and again you have loved ones who want to help. I find it almost weird having a man help me clean, cook and so much more. Not just because my ex didn't do some of these things but because I don't have to ask him to help me he just does it. I knew I had things to work on for myself so I signed up for Better Help I wish I could afford it and keep it for the little time I've used it it's helped.

I don't have time to go see a counselor in person I can't take that many days off of work in a month. I'm not about to ask my boyfriend either because I know he would help. I don't per se want his help I just don't want him paying for it, even though I know I'm not when he pays for my stuff I feel like a golddigger. That's not me it's an argument every time we go out for supper on him paying for my stuff. I get he's my boyfriend but he shouldn't be obligated to do so. I get he makes that money but still he doesn't need to pay all the time. I love him and plan on him sticking around for a long time if he likes it or not.

We've been together for a month today I claim it was yesterday but we agree to disagree I know a month isn't very long but it's felt like a year. I know so much already and I love him so much I'm scared of how good he treats me and that he's going to get tired of my baggage that I still try to hide. Being honest with each other makes everything so easy.

So far I have learned to accept some of his help not all but some. He helps me with some of my bills we've even talked about getting a joint for bills and bills only. I've accepted the idea of him being my future I'm slowly getting back to that point and he's helping me. I know I'll get better mentally someday now let us just pray for whatever may come of my epilepsy.

Amanda Rae
Instagram : @EpilepticMom

Twitter : @EpilepticMomAR

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