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Let's Get Real

One thing I wish some people could understand is the side effects after having a seizure or seizures. I know it interferes with my job my boss understands but my supervisor doesn't. People who have disabilities tend to have more sympathy for other's since they can relate. I'm not talking bad about people who don't understand I just wish they would take the time do the research and try to understand. I didn't post over the weekend because I had a rough week stressful and as relaxing as writing makes me you think I would have posted but I just couldn't there stuff I want to talk about at the moment but I know I shouldn't and it has just taken me a couple of days to figure out what to talk about on here.

So I think I'm going to touch the subject of SUDEP something that scares the hell out of me thinking this is possible for me. I actually ended up talking to my boyfriend about it last night showing him the risk to be with me is losing me forever. Him losing my son to my ex, hearing him say that he'd die of a broken heart made me cry a little. Yesterday was tense for a Sunday here I am trying to make up time and posts that I've missed while thinking of the worst. SUDEP might be one of the scariest things to happen to me but something scary than SUDEP is how will it affect my family and loved ones.

Not a lot is known the cause of SUDEP and I think that's what makes it so scary. As human beings we are afraid of the unknown no matter how evolved we are yes, there are those people who like the test the limits of life. Not knowing answers to this is just unspeakably scary. My boyfriend had no clue that this was a thing and neither did my own mother until the walk that we went to in D.C. it just also comes to show that every day we learn something new that everyday we make new achievements.

SUDEP is one of the reasons I try to live a happy positive life. I'm not going to go out being remembered as a downer or someone who was never happy. Set the mindset of the type of life you want. Manifest what you want to be and how you want to live life. Kick the negativity and just roll with what life gives you. Be that person that's always happy that some people get annoyed by that's how happy I want to be and I want you to be.

Let the world know that you can take them head on and aren't afraid of them.
"The Only Thing Have To Fear Is Fear Itself"
Now I'm not saying live on the wild side go jump off a cliff, jump out of a plane, but if that's what you want to do it if that's how you feel you need to conquer your fear of death, do it. Even if I don't die from SUDEP I'm going to accept death for when and whatever comes my way. I'm not afraid of it I'm afraid for my son living without his mom. That's different though I know when I die I will be reunited with my loved ones. My plan is to help people feel comfortable with themselves and live a happy life I've reached that point. I'm happy with where I am, I'm comfortable with who I am. I love the people in my life I've walked some rough trails to get to where I am. I've suffered but that's my past I wish I could say happiness is easy to reach but that'd be a lie and I'm not going to lie to you or beat around the bush. You have to suffer to reach happiness, you have to come to terms with your flaws to reach happiness, happiness isn't just going to knock on your door and say here I am let us go live our life. I wish it was that easy painfully wishing it was that easy.

Amanda Rost
Instagram : @EpilepticMom


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