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The Change of Tides

You never know what life is going to throw in your direction it surprises me daily. I'm not getting my hopes up but this time moving back if it happens I'm excited for my husband but I'm not going to get excited so my hopes and dreams don't come crashing down.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
Dr. Seuss
I'm going to listen to Dr. Seuss if this doesn't work out like we hope though. Whatever life throws at us we can take it, which means doing things we don't want to as well. (I say us but I mean me) I'm stubborn and want stuff a certain way but I have to learn that I can't always do that. (Here's an elephant since I mentioned water in the title)

So here's some advice when it comes to doing stuff you don't exactly want to do.
  1. Don't by time to see if things change it may sound like a good idea but can be harmful to your living arrangement and family
  2. Talk about it weigh your pros and cons
  3. Don't think so negative about it (even though you hate the town in question)
  4. Think of what's best for your family
  5. Start a new hobby once you get there (Raising chickens is gonna be mine if we move)
  6. Everything happens for a reason
These are what I have to do if they don't work for you I'm sure there are plenty of places to help you make your final decision what made me realize this needs to happen (even if I'm going to be basically freeloading) I don't like the idea of freeloading but when it comes to some of our appliances getting shut off or our phones getting shut off because we have so much debt or the fact that my husbands job doesn't compare to his old one. We have to do this to keep a roof over our heads if that isn't a good enough reason to move in with his friend then I don't know what all I know is I'm going to be cooking 3 times the amount I am now. My family is important to me I love them and wouldn't be who I am without them that also includes you I know I said it yesterday but you gave me a purpose.

I don't think I've brought it up or talked about I might have said a few things but I've never directly told you  I suffer from depression, not just epilepsy
That's why I have such a hard time moving from town to town I need a place that I feel wanted and the closest place I have found is the internet. Now some may argue you only have depression because you have epilepsy and I react to that yes and no I have depression because I have epilepsy also because I'm not confident and convince myself I'm not good enough some of the fights I get in with my husband I self-sabotage because I still don't want to believe that I am good enough to have a loving husband who helped me have a child. I still look at my child thinking I can't believe you're really mine. I've thought about ending my life because I sabotaged my marriage almost getting that divorce and because I proved myself that I could do it I almost drove my car off an overhang into the water. I'm aware that I do it I just don't realize when I'm doing it I know about the self-sabotage because it got pointed out. So to those who also have depression, I'm here to say I understand. Change is hard good or bad. (I feel I got off topic somewhere)

So I'm going to say talk to you tomorrow or later tonight and have a good day

Amanda Rost

Instagram : @EpilepticMom


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